


Peculiar Pink Punch

by richardnoelchris



Category: The Mighty Boosh (TV)
Genre: Comedy, Innuendo, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-08
Updated: 2020-08-08
Packaged: 2021-03-05 23:08:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,947
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25783402
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/richardnoelchris/pseuds/richardnoelchris
Summary: "We thought of an idea where we went to a bar that served this magic punch that made us get really erotic and we woke up the next day in bed and thought we made love. So we thought that would be quite a good episode to do that, you know, sort of the awkwardness between us."- Julian Barratt
Relationships: Howard Moon & Vince Noir
Comments: 6
Kudos: 15





	Peculiar Pink Punch

**Author's Note:**

> So thank you for the prompt Julian haha !
> 
> Hope you enjoy this I wrote it in a day and didn't plan it at all so uh yeah this is how I'd write this episode of The Mighty Boosh :) 
> 
> Happy reading <3

1

  
  
  


"WANT A DRINK 'OWARD!?" Vince shouted into his friend's ear because they were at a club that Naboo told them about, and that Vince was interested in because he spoke of magical drinks and dancefloor unicorns. Howard on the other hand would rather be at home reading and listening to some smooth jazz. He hated going out out! 

"Um?" The taller man replied 

Vince grabbed him by the arm "Oh come on 'Oward."

"Don't touch me."

Vince pulled his hand away fast "Alright sorry. Come on I wanna see what drinks they have 'ere." 

"Well have fun." 

"Aw you're not leavin'?"

"Um yes actually Sir I think you'll find I am."

"Fine if you don't wanna see the jazz player Naboo told me about."

"Sorry, what!?" 

Vince bit his lip and raised his eyebrows, "C'mon."

"Yeah well I could do with some live jazz haha oh yes sir. Nothing quite like jazz when it's right in front of your face Vince."

"I zoned out to be honest." 

"Ok rude."

They went over to the bar where they were served by a man with an American accent "Hidy ho !" 

"Hello there." Howard said

"Alright?" Vince said

"What's a couple a lovebirds like you two doing at a bar like this? You on your honeymoon."

"We're...we're not together."

"Oh I see when the cat's away huh?" 

"Wow this place has everything haha. They had a cat 'Oward haha imagine that paws on the dancefloor, using it as a litterbox going 'meow-ow-ow-ow'" He did a hand movement on each 'ow' then realised Howard was giving him the look, the one that said 'be quiet.' 

Vince complied but then whispered "e's got glow sticks for whiskers-"

A firm "shu-sha" from Howard. He adjusted his shirt and looked at his friend. "I'll handle this." He turned to the bartender. "My good man uh just a drink please."

"Gonna have to be more specific than that my friend."

"Ok well what do you serve?" 

"Well we got a drink that makes you dance all night, one that makes you happy, one that keeps you regular - actually that one's just a smoothie heh heh and we got-"

"What about that one?" Vince cut him off and pointed to the pink drink behind the barman. 

"Oh that one makes you have a good time so to speak." 

"Riiiight, a good time how?" 

Howard rolled his eyes then he saw the jazz singer and said "Vince just get us anything yeah I'll be right back."

Vince nodded his head, "Might cheer 'Oward up a bit." He bit his lip in thought then clasped his hands together and placed them on his hips, "Two of the pink ones please?" 

"Two Pink Punches coming up!" 

Then he did an evil laugh and Vince said "You got somefin' in your throat?" 

"Um yes ha." He leaned in closer to Vince "have a good time tonight."

Vince smiled then a confused look crossed his face.

  
  


* * *

Vince went back to Howard carrying the drinks, "Hey Howard got us some punch."

"Oh thanks Vince. This is Saxophone Malone ha. S'a cool name don't you think Sir?" 

"Nice to meet you." He shook his hand. "Enjoy the drink 'Oward I'm gonna go find a unicorn."

"Ugh Vince just say you're going to the toilet." 

"That's not funny Howard, I'll be back in a bit, bye Saxophone Malone." He strutted towards the dancefloor.

Howard took a sip of his drink, "mm that's nice." 

Saxophone Malone replied "Right on. So you say you play the trumpet?" 

"Yes sir, we're quite multi-talented oh yes. You see when I play the trumpet I'm not just playing it….I'm….making love to it like a beautiful lady." Woah where did that last bit come from? Howard furrowed his brow and then laughed it off, taking another sip.

The jazz musician laughed too, "Haha well makes sense I guess. So um do you wanna play for us sometime, me and my band?" 

"I would love to yes! haha! and can I just say.." He felt funny, he brought a hand up to stroke Malone's chest and out of nowhere said "I would absolutely love to blow on your trumpet."

"Excuse me?" 

"You heard what I said." He licked his lips and continued, edging closer to the musician. "I want you to play me like a saxophone until I scream like a banshee." He raised his eyebrows and his breathing became heavy.

"Ok Howard...if...you need some time to-"

"I want you."

"What?" 

"I want you. You know what I'm talking about. Ohhh just the thought of it. I'm rigid. I'm rigid Malone." 

"Ok on second thought forget it." He walked away.

Howard shouted after him "MAKE ME HIT THE HIGH NOTES MALONE. I WANT YOU!" He covered his mouth, he knew this wasn't him, that something was wrong, he just couldn't put his finger on it.

Somewhere across the room Vince had found a unicorn…...and was trying to bum it. Howard thought to himself  _ Vince would never do that, well maybe he would but not to a unicorn, the thing he'd always wanted to see in the flesh! _

He did a slow jog over to his friend and on his way he saw a unicorn run past him away from Vince. "Hey um Vince, why was that unicorn running away?"

"Cos 'es afraid."

"What?"

"He's scared a the tension between us, the strong, sexual tension."

"Oh God. What did you say to him?"

"I told 'im I wanna grease up his horn and massage it to ecstasy." A tongue went into the corner of his mouth. "Then when he ran away I shouted after 'im 'BABY I'M UNIC'ORNY FOR YOU!'" 

"Right ok."

"Why?" 

I did something similar to Malone...but anyway I don't know why this is happening." Vince's arms were wrapped around Howard's neck before he could say 'freeform jazz.' "Vince what are you doin?" 

Vince's breathing increased, "Want you, Howard Moon." 

"Come again?"

"Aw don't be coy with me." He traced his lips with his finger, "You know what I'm sayin, you big, tall northern hunk." 

"Vince you've gone wrong."

"If loving you is wrong I don't wanna be right."

"This isn't love Vince." He pushed Vince's arms away, his throat becoming dry so he took a sip of his drink, "This is lust Sir, good old lust." Howard pressed his lips against Vince's and they kissed passionately in the middle of the floor.

"Should we go home Howard?" Vince winked.

"I'll drive." 

  
  
  


2

  
  


The next morning Vince woke up he felt like he had a hangover so he rubbed his head. He looked over to his right and saw a lump in the bed next to him. He smiled to himself cheekily as he thought he'd brought someone home and had a one night stand, but when he pulled back the covers, he realised, seeing first the brown, curly hair, then the tiny brown eyes of a shrimp, then the beautiful moustache, it was Howard, his best mate Howard who had no shirt on and his hand on the left side of his head as if hiding from Vince miming "fuck!" 

This was not good, it was a work morning and now they had to face Naboo. Vince tried to start a conversation."Um...H..Howard-"

"Shut up!" He muffled his words as he sharply pulled the duvet back over his head. 

"Howard. I…. I think we…." He ran a hand through his hair. "D'you fink it was that punch?"

"Christ!" He pulled the duvet cover back down and looked at Vince, "It definitely was. You realise Naboo's gonna have a field day with this information."

Vince nodded his head,"Yeah." He bit his lip, "Let's just not tell 'im yeah?"

"Easier said than done Vince."

Vince sat up on his elbows, "What d'you mean?" He squawked

"Well you can't keep a secret can you Sir?"

"How dare you. I can keep secrets!"

"You can't little man and because of it Bollo knows that we read his diary."

"Oh-ho yeah  _ 'Furry Friday' _ was not something I  _ ever  _ needed to know about wahey." Howard made a disgusted face and Vince shook off the thought. "Wull. What about you?"

Howard squinted, "What about me?" 

"You feel guilt really easily 'Oward."

Howard sat up on his elbows and pointed a finger, "Now you shut your mouth."

"Well it's true. Once we ate Naboo's sweets and I said to just blame it on some theiving kids."

"I agreed to it though." He itched his cheek.

"Yeah right before you crumbled like shortbread." 

"Whatever." He sighed, sinking back down. "So what do we do then?...Vince?"

"Hmm?" He was biting his lip.

"Are you listening? Are you- are you starin at my nipples?"

"Um. Nooooo." 

"Don't be joking now Sir. You're looking right at them." 

"Sorry! S'just well I've never seen 'em before, they're well nice. They're cute." His head dropped, hiding behind his hair.

Howard looked down at his chest. "Thank you….I… I think." He checked the clock and jumped out of bed caitiously. "Anyway we should be getting to work."

"That's what you said last night."

Howard threw a pillow at Vince's face to shut him up, making his eyes shut and a little chuckle escape

  
  
  


3

In the shop things slowly became very awkward.

"Right Howard, Vince. Time to open up the shop." The tiny shaman said.

"Right you are Naboo haha. Let's do some retail." 

"You alright Howard? you look a little bit shaky."

Howard's eyes were twitching. "I don't uh, don't know what you're talkin' about Naboolio aha." 

"Ok well sort out that twitch and all, you'll scare the customers off." 

"Sure thing." He did a nervous laugh.

"And Vince look after Howard yeah?" 

"Wuh- what d'you mean by that Naboo...I…." 

Naboo squinted, "I mean make sure he doesn't faint or anyfin."

"Oh yeah right ok haha. Will do." 

"Alright I'm off upstairs. See you both at 5 o'clock." The tiny shaman disappeared up the stairs.

Neither of the boys could look each other in the eyes after last night so they kept bumping into each other, saying sorry and looking away.

"I'm um...I'm gonna go over here Sir."

"Yeah I've got um stuff to do. Gotta size tidy the postcards."

"Ok." Howard raised his eyebrows, "Yeah. The postcards?"

"Mhm."

"We don't sell postcards Vince."

"Someone should change that." He put his hands on his hips. "It's disgusting that we don't sell postcards." 

"Right?"

"We should hire someone to make them….I'm 'avin' words with Naboo about this I'm furious." His gaze was towards the floor.

"What are we doing Vince?" 

"What d'you mean?"

"You know what I mean little man." 

"Sorry Howard I'm just….I'm still in shock you know?"

"So am I Vince but if we just pretend it didn't happen, we can move on, get on with the day so we're ready for when the customers come in. Ok?"

"Alright Howard, I'll try." 

"Good boy."

  
  
  


* * *

  
  


On the stairs Naboo and Bollo were talking. "So when you going to tell them all they did was fall asleep in bed."

"Soon. Just havin' a bit of fun first. This is too good to watch." 

"So you going to let them sweat for a while?"

"Basically yeah." 

Naboo didn't want to say that he'd opened the door last night and saw Howard and Vince both asleep in the same bed and that nothing actually happened, that they'd just passed out due to the drink only affecting a person whilst in the bar, because, well why would he when they confessed to eating his sweets once and read Bollo's diary?

  
  
  
  
  
  



End file.
